Der Herr baumgarf war so nett, mir zu meinem Stilblüten-Eintrag von Weihnachten einen ganzen Haufen englischer Stilblüten zu schicken, die allesamt aus dem General Certificate of Secondary Education stammen, also von 16-Jährigen.
Und weil ich weiß, dass der genannte Herr ungemein wählerisch ist, was seine Blogeinträge betrifft, vermute ich, dass er das Zeug sowieso niemals bloggen würde. Hier also meine Lieblinge:
- Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock. After his death, his career suffered a dramatic decline.
- Nero was a cruel tyranny who would torture his subjects by playing the fiddle to them.
- Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was cannonized by Bernard Shaw. Finally Magna Carta provided that no man should be hanged twice for the same offense.
- Queen Elizabeth was the “Virgin Queen.” As a queen she was a success. When she exposed herself before her troops they all shouted “hurrah.”
- The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. He was born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never made much money and is famous only because of his plays. He wrote tragedies, comedies, and hysterectomies, all in Islamic pentameter. Romeo and Juliet are an example of a heroic couplet. Romeo’s last wish was to be laid by Juliet.
- Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes. He wrote Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote Paradise Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained.
- Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the Declaration of Independence. Franklin discovered electricity by rubbing two cats backwards and declared, “A horse divided against itself cannot stand.” Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.
- Gravity was invented by Issac Walton. It is chiefly noticeable in the autumn when the apples are falling off the trees.
- Bach was the most famous composer in the world and so was Handel. Handel was half German half Italian and half English. He was very large.