Das Laboratory for Automation Psychology and Decision Processes an der University of Maryland hat es sich zur Aufgabe gemacht, die kognitiven Prozesse an der Schnittstelle Mensch-Computer zu erforschen. In einer großen Umfrage zum Thema “Gewaltanwendung gegenüber Computern” erhob es die Art und Häufigkeit von verbaler und körperlicher Gewalt gegen unsere blechernen Freunde. Der Fragebogen dazu ist immer noch online. Die zusätzlichen Kommentare der Befragten sind ausgesprochen kurzweilig. Ich hab sie mir für Euch durchgelesen, hier eine Auswahl der besten Wuchteln:

• Shaking a working harddiskdrive with an operating and open oracleDB until headcrash makes a very nice smile, that lasts about 3 days.
• I only intentionally scratch and bend AOL CD ROM’s. No other CD’s. Thank you AOL for providing damageable products.
• You forgot to mention in this survey, though, the most evil of all computer hardware: Printers. Printers are the most loathesome digital creatures in recent history. Jamming, uneven images, ugly color, inexpicable fits of sundry uselessness. Many printers in the last decade have earned my wrath and not one of these incompetent contraptions survived once they crossed me.
• – Flying CPU: Struck mid-size tower with car going 25mph, propelling it 15-20 feet forward: Note this causes damage to car but troublesome DVD drive finally ejected jammed disc upon contact with pavement.
  Afterlife: yes, but HDD reported errors, and case wasn’t attractive. Sold on eBay (with new case and HDD), 1.6 GHz CPU & blue case – beware of this description if you find it on eBay.
  – Rainy-day CRT: Buy long extension cables, place monitor outside during downpour with power on & connected to computer. Funny images appear on screen but doesn’t last long. Internal fuse?
  Afterlife: not sure, too afraid to plug it in, but may eventally work if the water ever dries up.
  – Hot bubblejet: Made ink really bubble by placing printer on campfire while printing documents from laptop. Suggestion: Buy Epson because of high heat-resistance.
  Afterlife: worked for 20 minutes while cooking, then warning popped up on screen saying ink was too low to print. Ink replaced – no success.
  – Mouseskates: 2 ball-mice, 1 placed under each foot. Really economical form of transportation. Tie cords around ankles to prevent mice from flying away.
  Afterlife: yes – assuming cords are still in place; and user is relatively light
• I’ve broken a bunch of keyboards by throwing them across the room. I’m not very nice to my PS2 either. Then again, my PC and PS2 aren’t very nice to me either.
• stiking a paperclip into the CPU fan (loads of fun)
• Probably the most vicious I’ve been to a computer was in disposing of an old, rickety machine that had been nothing but trouble while helping clean out a friend’s apartment. I hauled the computer out into the parking lot and repeatedly swung it into the pavement, then finally tossed it over the ~20′ wall to the street below. I noticed that the processor (a 486) had shattered in the parking lot, and saved a chunk of it. It was really rather pretty, what with the traces and all. In addition, I found it quite useful when I had to deal with other recalcitrant computers; I would hold it up and say “See, I could do this to you! Now work! …”
• I once took apart a 3.5″ disk, coated the magnetic media with glue and powdered matchhead material, and glued a matchbox striker-strip to the inside of the plastic case. Then I reassembled the disk, glued it back together, and stuck it in the A: drive. Fire in the hole! Whee!
• It’s good enough to let the frustation steam out when poisoning computer verbally with hard-medical-terminology, or on latin. That makes you feel a real Human, and pushes out the importance of thet rusty heap of iron.
• I put CD’s that did not burn properly, i.e. “coasters”, into the microwave oven for 10 seconds. The light show is very gratifying.

Ich selbst halte es mit der Gewalt gegen meinen Rechner so, dass ich möglichst die Maus haue, das ist der billigste Teil.
Ich gebe aber zu, dass ich bei elektrischen und elektronischen Geräten sexistisch bin, ich bezeichne sie nämlich prinzipiell als ‘er’, wenn ich davon in der dritten Person spreche, auch der Waschmaschine und der Mikrowelle. Und ich beschimpfe sie mit der ganzen Vielfalt der mir zur Verfügung stehenden Kraftausdrücke, und die ist in der Tat recht ansehnlich.

Zu meiner Verteidigung kann ich aber anführen, dass elektronische Geräte in meiner Anwesenheit seltsame Dinge tun, zuweilen sogar welche, die sie eigentlich gar nicht können. Das können mein Mann und die EDV-Techniker in meinem Büro bestätigen; früher hielten die Geräte sich in Anwesenheit eines Dritten noch merklich zurück, diese Zeiten sind aber lange vorbei.